“Who are you and what have you done to Kirk Cousins?” asks Vikings fans after their QB has another career game against Lions
Disclaimer: The following article has some crude humor and swearing. Read at your own discretion and enjoy!
After one of his worst starts in his career and the media speculating his release after this season, Kirk Cousins has done a complete 180 and thrown for over 300 yards with a passer rating of 135 or higher in three consecutive games, making him the first quarterback in NFL history that has done this. One of these games includes spanking the ass of the Detroit Lions on the road last Sunday after those salty pussycats got cheated out of their win at Green Bay. (Read my explanation on that game’s controversial ending here.)
But after all this sudden success after a very bad start for the QB, many Vikings fans like myself are asking, “Who are you, and what have you done to Kirk Cousins?”
Background on the $84 million Quarterback
Kirk Cousins was always considered to be a good quarterback because of his stats. However, he has never been considered great or in the same league as Russell Wilson or Carson Wentz. He has always been the guy that looks good, but as many talking heads in sports commentary like to say, he can’t “win the big game”.
He has always had some scapegoats to back him up, and for good reason. He’s played the majority of his career so far with the Washington Redskins, who weren’t honestly that great to begin with. Their O-Line has been almost a meme at this point, with QB greats getting historically trampled and broken, including Joe Theismann, Robert Griffin III, and recently Alex Smith. Cousins was lucky to get out of Washington as they franchise tagged him.
His first year with Minnesota was…rough. The team went 8–7–1 after going 13–3 and making it to the NFC Championship only to be blown out by the Eagles 38–7, Minnesota went all in on Cousins, believing that he was the answer and paying him the most guaranteed money for a QB in NFL history at $84 million for three years.
However, his play was abysmal, and once again, he couldn’t win “the game” against Chicago at home, which would have gotten the team to the playoffs in the last wild card spot.
That being said, he still had scapegoats. The O-Line was admittedly not up to snuff, and he was strip-sacked more times than Kim Kardashian stripped down for her infamous sex tapes. He also had no efficient running game, since Dalvin Cook was in and out for the season. And the defense, although still good, was looking less like a brick wall and more like a slice of Swiss cheese.
But after the draft where the Vikings picked Center Garrett Bradbury in the first round, he had no more excuses. He needed to perform well to justify his price tag.
The worst start in his NFL Career
Kirk Cousins started out the season pretty okay with the first game against the Atlanta Falcons (who were 7–9 in the past season and, uh, never recovered from choking in Super Bowl LI). Then they played in Green Bay. Albeit the defense was crap in the first quarter and a half, they shut out Rodgers and the Packers all second half. Cousins had a whole quarter to get the Vikings in the lead and steal a win.
But he kept screwing up.
Fumbling twice (with one recovered by the Pack) and getting picked twice, one being on a first and goal where he tried too hard to be the great white hope, he made an ass out of himself, to put it quite bluntly.
After that, though, he looked good against the Raiders. And then he kept fumbling the ball against the Bears…and he couldn’t help the offense score more than 6 points…
Media questioning his play
After that loss against the Bears, he was first in fumbles once again, and he tied with Josh Allen for “most turnovers by a QB”. He did not look like a starting QB.
Many people in the media were suggesting that the Vikings should either bench Cousins or get rid of him at the end of the season. Stephen A. Smith on First Take suggested he was so bad, “the Vikings could eat his $28 million salary”. Colin Cowherd asked after the loss against Chicago, “Can you bench Kirk Cousins? Because honestly, I wonder if you’re getting to the point where you’re gonna lose the locker room.”
Hell, some fans like me were wishing for Case Keenum back (even though he’s not doing that well in Washington). Others looked at Teddy Bridgewater balling in N’Orleans and missed him, too. We even wished for Sloter back. We just wanted someone, anyone, to end this God awful nightmare we were living in.
And then the following weeks happened.
Kirk Cousins decided it’s a good idea to actually earn his money
Since Week 5, he has thrown for at least 300 yards, ten touchdowns, and one interception (which actually wasn’t his fault). His average QBR since week six has been 139.5, and he just made history being the first quarterback in history to be at a QBR of 135 and throw for 300 yards in three consecutive games.
It’s making a lot of us fans wonder, “Who are you and what have you done to Kirk Cousins?” In all honesty though, is this surprising?
Cousins performs best when he’s an underdog
Kirk has always been at his best when nobody believes in him. When he’s the underdog, he’s elite. When he’s the great white hope, he’s pure trash.
In the 2015 season, the Redskins finished with a 9–7 record and won the division. This season also includes the game where Kirk Cousins had perhaps the best game of his career against the Buccaneers, leading a comeback from 24–7 after the first half to win the game within the final seconds, stealing the game with a score of 31–30. This propelled the QB to the underdog status after his famous “You like that!” chant at reporters.
So…can Cousins actually lead the Vikings to the playoffs?
Look, we’re all fans here. When it comes to sports, we’ll want our teams to win, and we’ll bitch and moan about them losing like we should. Cousins has been under fire recently, and he’s responded with making NFL history while beating a team with a winning record and getting a road win against a divisional opponent.
As any fan would do, I’ll complain about his play when he sucks, and support him when he does well. It’s just what you do as a fan base. And no matter what the sports media will say about my Vikings, I’ll still be a loyal fan no matter what. And yes, I believe he can lead the Vikings to the playoffs.
Skol, motherfuckers.
